I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
