nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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