My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
