My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wish you could order shots online.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
