so that wasnt chicken after all
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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