Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
