let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
