Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
