So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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