At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Enjoy the penises
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
