why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
