I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I am one with the molecules
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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