are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
