i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
