i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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