You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
His nipple licking is glorious
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