He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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