I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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