More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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