just tell him i said nine months
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
