Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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