Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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