I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
