I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
