I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
