i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
