My sheets look like a crime scene.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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