I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
