R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
