you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
