Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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