i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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