I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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