I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My boob is missing a layer of skin
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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