Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
