the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
