btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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