i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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