I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
