So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
