did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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