Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You ruined the universe
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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