i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
did you just send me my own nude
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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