he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
