I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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