i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
