once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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