I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
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I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
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That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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