I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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