she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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