Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
