He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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