Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
