omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
