I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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