it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
