so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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