what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
