I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
