my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
