She announced her abortion via fbk
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
