Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
